A How-To for Those Who Don’t Know How to How-To.
– Or –
How To Order Your Alcohol Online And Have It Delivered To Your Home.
To survive life, there are many things we need to know how to do.
Ignorance can lead to failure, even death. Or worse, a sense of inferiority when around those who know how to.
When you were young, you learned how to tie your shoelaces,
How to not pee your pants,
How to pretend to like family reunions,
“I can’t believe how tall you’ve grown,” says the idiot aunt every time she sees you.
And how to hit your younger sibling without your parents seeing.
Once you started school, you learned how to say the alphabet,
How to read,
How to hide from the school bully,
How to fake sick so you can stay home for the day,
And how to feign interest in social studies while thinking about recess.
Once you entered high school, you learned how to talk to girls – or boys – without blushing,
How to actually ask someone out,
How to skip class,
How to get your parents to pay for your gas,
And how to get away with hell on the weekends without your parents knowing.
As a semi-grown up, some of you learned how to find a job,
How to look cool and attractive and desirable while trying to give the impression that it took little, if any, effort to achieve,
How to take the credit for work performed by your coworkers,
How to spend every damn dime you earned,
And how to ask your parents for some temporary financial assistance.
Now, as a full-blown adult, you’ve learned many useful things that have helped you become a semi-useful person,
But there are other “How-to’s” that lose their shroud of secrecy to adults,
Important things like how to order your alcohol online,
And how to have your alcohol delivered to you anywhere in the U.S.,
Whether you’re at home, a friend’s, a family reunion, or a campground in Canyonlands,
And especially if you’re at a family reunion because that damn aunt will be there, and she’ll still exclaim,
“I can’t believe how tall you’ve grown. And you’re so attractive, too. Ralph, am I right or am I right?”
———-
Ready?
No daydreaming about recess now as we unlock the
How to secret for ordering alcohol online and getting free delivery.
Taking notes would be good because, remember, you weren’t a great student.
1. Make sure you live in the U.S. If you’re not sure, ask a friend.
2. Pull out your smartphone. No, that’s not a phone. Try your back pocket.
3. Open your BottleRover alcohol delivery app and shop for your favorite adult beverage online.
4. View the inventory of your favorite liquor store – preferably a liquor store that’s near you. Although, Bottle Rover can make sure your alcohol gets delivered just about anywhere in this country, and In California, too.
5. Check for any discount coupons and deals on this app.
6. Place your order: beer, wine, liquor, bubble gum. Wait, no bubble gum, I misread bubbly.
7. You can choose to have your alcohol delivered or have it ready for you to pick up. And if you’re picking up beer, you’re probably doing it in your pick up. Whatever it is.
8. Sit. Relax. Get the chips, wings, and tofu ready; your alcohol delivery is on its way.
There you go — the ‘How-To” to buying your alcohol online for delivery or pick up.
Enjoy your party. Remember how not to pee your pants and how to avoid your idiot aunt that your sister “accidentally” invited. Next time don’t invite your sister.
Cheers.
