Yes, Virginia, You Can Order Your Alcohol Online in Texas. And No, Virginia, That Ain’t No Tall Tale.
Texas.
A lot can be said about a geographically large state full of oversized personalities, myths, legends, and a few dipshits.
First.
Texas is big. Really, really big. Huuuuuuge. It has to be – it has a lot of Texans inside its borders. 29,145,505 of them. That may not seem like all that many for a place as large as Texas, except that Texans need extra space to accommodate them in their cowboy hats.
Second.
Every Texan wearsa big-ass cowboy hat.Every damn one of them. Day and night. 24/7. These hats are measured by how many gallons of liquid can fit inside.** Texas-sized hats start at 10-gallons and go all the way up to a big, beautiful, foamy,yellow40-gallon size. These 40-galloners are mainly worn for special occasions like cattle brandings and fancy soirees held in barns, bar mitzvahs, Quinceañeras, Friday night football, and religious revivals. Sometimes they wear them to ballgames, but the hat is charged as an extra person. Since Texans are notoriously cheap, they usually leave the big hat on the mud porch to save a few bucks.
Third.
Texas has good food. Great food. Steaks, Mexican, BBQ, gefilte fish, mondongo, tripe, guinea pig (cuy for those from Ecuador and Peru). The selection is endless, and the meat usually comes from their pet hog or bull. The one they raised for 4-H. It’s their way of keeping things in the family.
Forth.
The people are outgoing. Gregarious. Big talkers and big personalities. They’re fun. They’re likable, and they like others. But you can’t believe everything they say because part of their culture mandates that they exaggerate most things. Especially the important ones. They call these tall tales, not lies.
Fifth.
Texas has a better nightlife than many places. Like for example, Idaho, where they have night but not much life. On the other hand, Texas has something for every type of nightcrawler, from music and dance to food and alcohol establishments. All big. All loud. All inviting. Spend a night there and see.
Sixth.
You can buy your alcohol online in Texas. Sure, this is available in other states, too. But because Texas is Texas and not Minnesota, it seems different. Better. Even though it’s pretty much the same.
Online Alcohol Purchase Options in Texas.
When purchasing your alcohol online, you have several options. Suppose your favorite liquor store has online ordering. In that case, you can go to their website, make your purchase and probably receive same-day delivery. Or you can order from a national company, but you’ll have to wait several days for delivery. That kind of kills the immediate mood. Or you can use an app from one of the many services that offer liquor ordering apps.
You’re Probably asking, What Would I Do? (I do get asked that a lot.)
Well, I’d use Bottle Rover for my alcohol ordering and delivering options in Texas. Or in almost any part of the country. Except in Utah, Utah is still lost in the mid-1900s and doesn’t allow online ordering or alcohol delivery. Not even for non-alcoholic alcohol like near beers or Shirley Temples.
Bottle Rover is my go-to alcohol delivery app, making it easier than ever before to search for on-demand liquor, beer, or wine based on location.
How Does it Work?
Find a store near you, reserve your bottle – or bottles, schedule pickup or delivery, and sit back and wait for your alcohol order to magically, deliciously appear at your door. Or at your party. Or the bar mitzvah. Or wherever you find yourself having a good time but needing a little more alcohol to make it a great time. Or to help make a miserable and forgettable time forgotten.
With Bottle Rover, you can make and drink your favorite drinks for your favorite friends anytime, anywhere. And with the Bottle Rover app downloaded on your phone, it’s like having a liquor store in your pocket. And with something in your pocket, you’ll live a popular and happy life.
Cheers.
** Alert**
Apparently, this is an example of a Texas tall tale. I just learned that a 10-gallon hat ONLY holds 3 quarts, also known as ¾ of a gallon. That’s a lot less than 10 gallons. Lesson learned – If it’s a Texan telling the story, be wary as it’s probably greatly exaggerated. And that is a perfect example of what Texas does to its inhabitants and another reason why everyone needs at least one Texas friend. But maybe only one. Accumulate additional Texan friends at your own risk.
