Beer Been Here A While

Beer Been Here A While.

What’s the oldest recorded recipe in the world? Beer. We know because, as I said, it’s recorded. By the Egyptians. Of course. Memorialized for all their posterity on papyrus scrolls dating from around 5,000 B.C. The ancient Egyptian brewing process used dates, pomegranates, and indigenous herbs. Which doesn’t sound much like modern beer. It may be healthier for us, but it sounds awful. Acquiring a taste for Egyptian beer undoubtedly required discipline and perseverance. And a driving desire for a buzz. The Pyramids at Giza were constructed 4,500 years ago. Is it unreasonable to imagine the laborers clocking out at 5:00 and heading for the local pub for a brew? Where I grew up, all the plant workers headed to The Pondy (short for Ponderosa) after their shift. Beer is the drink that ties blue-collar workers together throughout the world and throughout the ages. But it was a 6,000 year-old Sumerian tablet that shows the first depictions of people drinking beer. Through reed straws from a communal bowl. (They also went to the bathroom in communal troughs – they liked communal.) Even back then, they recognized that beer is best when shared with friends. The Sumerians even left us with a 3,900-word poem honoring Ninkasi, the patron goddess of brewing. I haven’t read it because it’s 3,900 words. I prefer the length of Limericks. The ancient Chinese got in on the beer action, too. Residue has been found on pottery dating back 5,000 years – give or take a decade or two – that shows they brewed beer using barley and other grains. Beer, one could say, provides insights into history and the peoples of long ago. Beer Bottles Date Semi-Way Back. Glass bottles for beer have been used since the 16th century. (That’s the 1500’s for the intellectually challenged.) But commercial bottling didn’t start until nearly 100 years later. But they encountered a big problem. The glass for beer bottles wasn’t strong enough to withstand the CO2 pressure used in the beer manufacturing process. If only cans existed back then. Beer Cans Date Not So Far Back. They debuted on January 24th, 1935. Clearly not as far back as beer, but pre-WWII seems fairly long ago. Beer Delivery Not Been Here Long. We’re not exactly sure when the first beer was first delivered to a home near you. Some say it was in the winter of 2011. We’re not 100% sure on that year, but we are positive it was in the winter because no one wants to go anywhere on a cold, freeze-your-nuts-off winter evening, so the season makes sense. Beer delivery doesn’t discriminate. Even if you live in California, you can get your beer delivered. Which is a good thing because Californians, still under house arrest, can’t venture out much. Utah is a different animal. Its citizens are free to move about, but its legislature won’t allow beer delivery in their lovely state. Beer – all alcohol – is recognized as evil to many Utahns. If you consume it, you’ll probably end up in hell. But hell, according to Mark Twain, won’t be all bad. “Heaven for climate, hell for society,” is how he described it. Since hell is hell, they’ll probably be able to have beer delivered. But to order beer online, the heathens will need to have internet access. Which they probably have since the internet also seems to be a hell-bound system. How else will Hellians have access to their porn? So, go ahead. Order your beer online and have it conveniently and swiftly delivered to your door. Or to hell, if that’s where you reside. Use your favorite beer ordering app, one, for example, that’s exactly like Bottle Rover by BottleCapps. You’ll probably be surprised how many liquor stores near you use the Bottle Rover app. All anxiously waiting for you to search their inventory and place your order so they can give you their VIP service and deliver your beer Di-Rectly to your door. Or to your friend’s door if you’re sending it as a gift. Or to your ex-whatever’s door if you’re trying to get him/her/they/xi back. Whatever you do. DON’T go outside and expose your body parts to the elements. Unless your body parts are worth exposing. Cheers.